Native English speaker needed

Warning: This post will decrease your IQ by at least 7 points.

Last night I was in Giant, one of the “hypermarkets” here in Malaysia. In the States we would call them a Wal-Mart supercenter, one of those places you can buy bread, motor oil, picture frames and toilet paper all in the same place.

I was standing in line behind a Chinese couple in the express lane marked “10 items and below”. Actually, if I follow the Chinese couple’s logic, I was standing behind one Chinese person. Apparently, you can buy 15 juice drink boxes and it only counts as one item because they are all the same brand and flavor. So, they had around 30 items but about 8 types of items. Wouldn’t they get irate if the government used this logic for their income taxes? Government: We are sorry but your two children can only be claimed as one dependent since they are the same type and flavor. Please pay us more money!

Anyway, as the unit paid for their “items” I pondered the sign next to the express counter. 10 items or below. “That isn’t correct,” I thought, “but what would the correct sign say?” (This is a side effect of learning a second language and living overseas.) I thought and thought and decided, “It should say ‘10 items or less’” Since I happened to have a pen, I pulled it out and wrote “or less” underneath the “and below”.

I paid for my items (yes, only five!) and then walked to my motorbike. On the way there I kept saying, “10 items or less” to myself. It didn’t sound right. Then I realized, less is used with uncountable nouns and fewer is used with countable nouns. My “correction” of the sign was actually just as incorrect as the original “and below”.

Then I began to fantasize that the cashier told the manager that a white guy corrected the sign therefore it must be correct. So the manager called all the stores and told them to change the signs on all the express counters to “10 items or less”. So, if you see a sign at a Giant express counter that reads, “10 items or less” you know who to blame.

Disclaimer: In American English it is becoming accepted to say “less” with countable nouns. However, it is still incorrect and I would like to apologize to the Giant staff for my mistake. Sorry!